DECISION

After much thought I decided that I am going to start posting a little more medical detail....
I have a unique story for a 32 year old woman.  I have a brain tumor that is effecting my hormones and overall well being.  So far, I have met with numerous PCPs, 2 GYNs, 2 Endocrinologists, and a Neurosurgeon.  I have consulted people in Tampa, Maitland, Boston, Melbourne and soon to be Jacksonville and Fort Lauderdale.  This has budded into an experience that is shocking to me and everyone that hears it.  After trying to get answers solidly for nearly one year I have ZERO.  I say almost daily "This HAS to be illegal!"  After all, how can doctors take your money and give you nothing?  Is that not the definition of STEALING?!  Every appointment that I schedule makes me feel like THIS is THE DAY!  Today I will get answers!  Nope.  This leads me on a horrific emotional roller coaster.  I would not wish this experience on my worst enemies!  I have been mentioning things here and there in emails to friends, on Facebook etc.  I am now going to enter regular blogs here.  I want to get things off my chest.  I want to keep all my loved ones current on things.  I want to put the information out there so other people can maybe take something away from my experience and feel a little less alone in their own.  It is difficult to not blog the same complaints every day.  Hey, I am still gaining weight.  My hair is still falling out.  My middle name should be Hot Flash!  Truly, I get tired of listening to myself.  I need to put my intentions out into the universe.  I need to start reading more and educating myself.  The more I learn the better my chances are to live "normally" again. ha ha  It is not acceptable that I feel this way.  I am done trying to convince myself that exhaustion, swelling, weight gain, misery, hot flashes, missed periods, fatigue, zero libido, facial hair etc. are a part of life!  This is not OK!  These damn doctors are going to figure this out and fix me or I'm going to die trying to get them to!  I am going to hope too that maybe someone that reads this can suggest something for me to do.  Thus far, what I am doing is NOT working.  I am turning into another person.  I will post pics from a year ago vs. now.  I do not look the same.  This journey is BS!  I am fighting!  I have to fight!!  I don't deserve this!

now

1 year ago