Thoughts

I went to Tampa this weekend.  It takes me a day to collect my thoughts.  There is so much involved.  There is no just going there.  It is an event.  With my grandparents every second has to be preplanned.  Every meal has to be prearranged.  Every bed in the house has to be remade in case I may want to sleep in a different one.  I have to put on the armor.  I used to have to be on my toes about Heather as I heard 50 times each month "Why isn't she going to live with her mother?"  Since then the question, well actually the comment is "When are you going to grow your hair long?  You used to look pretty.  That was your crowning glory!"  That vacillates now between "You are SO FAT!  You don't even look like yourself!  Don't you ever stand naked in the mirror and see how disgustingly repulsive you look?!"  Of course all of this hot mess is followed by......are you ready?........you'll never guess....."Why don't you come over more often?  I never see you anymore."  AHHHHHHHH

I'll tell you one thing...I am sure glad that I was never overweight when I was younger or I would be a HOT MESS!  I am also glad I am a strong, confident woman or I would probably be sporting my long, frizzy hair unhappily or even worse be trying to grow it out. : O

Of course this is only my side of the visit.  It won't even go on about the in-laws.  That is it's own separate craziness.

So...I have been on and off of medications for my back since around 2004.  They have caused alleviation of pain but caused turmoil in every other area of my life.  March 8th is a special day for many reasons and I have  chosen that day to stop taking all of these medications for good.  No more Percocet, Norco, Opana, Morphine, Hydrocodone, Avinza.  Hopefully, here will be a start of a new chapter.  I have started on small little pill once a day that will control my pain and allow me to stop completely if and when I wish to which is very important to me.  I had to drive all the way to Tampa to get the doc and script as I have been trying to get a doc here to no avail.  I think I live in the sticks sometimes!  That is fine...I get a two for one coming to Tampa.  The transition was nearly perfect yesterday.  I  couldn't have asked for better.  Jim brought home Chinese for dinner :)  He is awesome to me...very supportive and I appreciate it.  Well I guess that is it for now....  I'll try to end on a good note.