Lbs

I put on my yoga clothes this morning to attend the 11:45am class.  I have a new sapphire blue pair of shorts that are just long enough to cover my bum with a nice little curve.  I also had a great find on the Lululemon site (see below) that matched rather nicely. Jim and I stand at the mirror and evaluate...gettin' better. *sign of relief* Now, I am certainly not the most slender person in my yoga class but it is for sure that I am always the one with the least amount of clothes on. *chuckle*  I seem to have a certain crazy way with things in my mind.  I feel great.  I feel thin.  I feel like less clothes are always better in the studio where Annette fails to turn on the AC.  One thing is certain: Tara hates to sweat.  However, am I really skinny enough to be in class half naked?  Oddly enough, I don't really care.  I mean I am not the type to go out in a pair of pants that give me a muffin top.  If I wear a low rise pair of jeans, I make sure at least my shirt will cover my crack.  But in yoga, in the studio, I feel like if I can fit in it comfortably then I should wear it.  I kinda think that growing up with Dolly Stafford and MaryJean Eckert that I should be anorexic but I appear to be far from that.  I am focused on health first and foremost because really, that is all that should matter.  People telling me I am obese, fat, or disgusting just tells my mind to shrug them off.  I discount them because of the way they present their spiel (I had to look up sp. on that one-Ha).  Thank God for that because people can just be mean.  I suppose that my ability to ignore them is a defense mechanism.  It really is true tho that I know my medical condition, my healthy diet habits, my fluctuating hormones, my working hard once a day at class and no one can take that away from me.  I have lost 20 of the 40 pounds that I gained from being on steroids for a year and I am damn proud.  Booya!

 

Odds and Ends

Inspector Gadget.  Remember that cartoon?  I used to LOVE it!  Just recently I began reminiscing about Penny and her computer book.....ahhh *big grin* .....do you remember?  How bad did I (and prob you too) want one of those?  It did anything and everything and you could just carry it around!  Totally portable!  As I pressed the home button on my new iphone4 I let out a sigh of relief.  At least one of my childhood dreams came true <3

************************************

I went to yoga tonight.  They made an announcement that the studio will be closed from Saturday until Tuesday for remodeling.  This is great news because they are going to be having the classes on the beach!  I have never officially done yoga on the beach (although I have done it by myself a little) and it seems like such a cool (actually anything but) thing to do!  I hope to coerce my cousin to take the AM class after our sunrise photo shoot Saturday morning.  

************************

All this talk about yoga and sunrise leads me to have to say....OH MY GOD I FEEL GREAT!

I've been afraid to utter the words but it's true!  Remember all my posts about lacking motivation and energy? I just wanted to sleep all the time?  Well,  I am waking up with a skip in my step...energetic, happy, motivated.  I have to tell ya'll it is really freaking weird.  I cannot remember the last time I felt this good.  Seriously.  What do I have to give credit to?  I have no idea.  Same diet.  Pretty much same sleep pattern.  Hmmmm well I am gonna just pray to my awesome God above that he does not take it away from me.  Yesterday I set up my iphone, downloaded a million pics to my Mac, took the dogs for their shots etc.  I am rocking and rolling and yee haw I hope it never ends.

**********************

I hate to feel good when those I care about do not feel good.  My one and only sister (even if not biological) is spending her day today in Wisconsin.  Her Mom just passed away with brain cancer and she had the funeral today 10 hours from home.  With everything in me I wish I could take some of her pain away from her.

My cousin has been having an epically ridiculous week at work after a great week on vacation.  Again, I wish there was something I could do. *sigh*  I just shook my head pondering how in the hell things can go so very wrong so very fast?  It is crazy! 

I guess this is what life is all about... ups and downs sometimes quicker than a roller coaster.  I always anticipate the next swing when things are going too "right".  I just brace myself.  I am a strong believer in life after death.  I think that when we die we go up and plan out the next round.  This is all necessary to learn all the lessons.  After all, we could never learn everything in one round.  I think to myself: how would I have planned my life?  Would I have chosen to have all the good to happen in the beginning, or the end, or spread out through the middle?  Does one really bad event like losing your mom as an infant "even out" to years of say being picked on in school as a kid?  Some souls are just so obviously older than others....

Anyway, I am going to end my rant here as I must go enjoy the sunset :)

sunset from Bahamas cruise ship

sunset from Bahamas road

hate

I hate not being able to say what I want to say.  I hate being stifled in the very small world that I live in.  I want to go away...now.