I am tired of throwing together blogs that are not thoughtful or articulate. I have been writing since about age 8 and I have never been so careless. I think I won't hit "publish" on this one until it speaks to me. That is what blogging is about: venting it with passion so others can really get the picture you're painting. I have WAY too much to say lately as I have not really had an adult to talk to since June 15th. As I passed the one month mark I contemplated pulling my hair out except... well, it has started falling out again all by itself. Ho hum. Yesterday and today I put on my focus cap and went to town. I cleaned counters, bagged clothes to donate, made to-do lists, swept, vacuumed, did 10 tons of laundry just trying to find my piece of mind. My piece of mind is directly linked to the organization in my home. I have lost it many moons ago and just keep experiencing growing frustration due to summer vacation, 9 months of unemployment and new puppy piles. After two days of cleaning I feel like this is my old starting point (AKA BJC). Prior to meeting Jim, Heather and Dan I used to have a space to call my own and it was.....orgasmically clean and organized. *gaze into sky and contemplate old times* Somehow, I have lost my way. When I try to get back to that place this is how close I can come:
TLC Archive of Poetry Circa 2003
"Dedicated"
Quietness can heal your heart.
Courage can find it's way in the dark.
Life as I knew it has come to an end.
A new dawn has risen, it's peace became my friend.
It's like my eyes have opened for the very first time.
There are hard truths to follow and memories unkind.
I look over my shoulder; I see my own face.
I remember my smiles. I feel the disgrace.
But I know God now and I can feel his glory.
He can see into my eyes and He listens to my stories.
He has forgiven me for the deepest of my sins.
He knows He has my heart and that He lives within.
So today and tomorrow I dedicate to Him.
I'll listen when He whispers so my days won't be so grim.
I'll learn from my mistakes to become a better me.
I can;t take back yesterday but with my future, all will see.
I can be smarter, more patient and kind.
I can be wise, with the lessons learned in time.
"Crumbling"
Faces go by faster and faster.
One in a hundred has a smile that they've mastered.
The weight of life seems to heavy to carry.
Some turn to denial, their feelings they bury.
Coping is hard, the shrinks dig through the masses.
Our self esteem plummets, our happiness crashes.
There's no simple answers to the questions at hand.
More of ourselves we have to demand.
