Scars

There are many scars.  Scars on our skin.  Scars on our souls.  Scars on our hearts.  I stare at the crook of my arm and think about the morning.  They are going to jab me with a needle before the last probe mark has healed.  That is true of all of them I guess.  We have no time to heal in between the kicks in the gut.  They just keep coming.  We tell ourselves and each other little sayings..."Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger" or "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" or "When a door is closed a window opens"  Is is really ok that we keep getting kicked in the gut?  I feel angry and sad.  The waves of reality drown my spirit and make me not want to open my eyes...ever, ever again.  There is no moment sacred from the curses.  I watch my skydiving video from my 30th birthday.  What a wonderful time!  Such joy and excitement!  I try to forget I got in my car and nearly died minutes later at the hands of a teenager who did not know how to drive.  I try to forget the chiropractic appts three times a week for fourteen weeks, the xrays, the MRIs, the pain management appts, the emotional stress, losing my car, the orthopedic surgeon appts, the needles in my spine, the days that I tried SO hard to just sit at my desk at work without crying.  My marriage falls apart because of this.  The fact is the scars will never heal.  The fact is that the court deposition in Tampa come Jan. 2010 will not make one single thing better.